Friday, April 21, 2006

The Enjoyable Tele-Marketer

I get this call from a guy…I wish I’d caught his name.

He’s trying to sell me the Globe & Mail and let me tell you, he almost convinced me of the Joy and Pleasure I can receive from this Well Oiled Machine. There are Puzzles and Comics and the latest Sudokus. He proceeded to tell me how this magazine has changed his life…he’s a better man because of it. At this point he proposed that I try it on a trial basis and then when it Blossoms into something Beautiful I can sign up for a longer term contract.

If I don’t jump out of bed and hit my head on the ceiling he’ll be surprised…but don’t worry, their Stealthy-like Ninja Carriers won’t ever wake me up…they’re that quiet.

Their handy vegetable based ink won’t get all over my clothes or the furniture.

When I politely refused the offer of this incredible magazine he then told me about the Beautiful Saturday paper I could sign up for, telling me I would Cherish it as it is Therapeutic Value at its finest.

When I again politely refused he made me promise that if I change my mind I’ll “Grab the Bull by the Horns” and let this magazine change my life.

When I commented on my enjoyment over the phone call he informed me that he hasn’t even started on the coffee, that he’s only drinking some Safeway like Cola. He’ll be a bit more peppy once he gets the Coffee. I’m not sure he could have been peppier.

I know this might sound unbelievable but I haven’t exaggerated any of this…all of the descriptive words I used above were his…I enjoyed the call so much that halfway through I started typing up notes. He actually said all of that stuff above. There was also something about how nothing would make him happier then me signing up and something about him river dancing if I subscribed.

My favorite part was the Stealthy-like Ninja Carriers…I actually had him repeat that part.


Anonymous said...

"Stealthy-like Ninja Carriers"BWAH, funny stuff sis!
Makes me wish we had tele-marketers here. One of my reps is like that. I think he must drink a case of Red Bull before he comes to see me. He just can't stand still. It reminds me of the Matrix. I'm Neo and the world has slown down.
On a side note, I was just checking out some of you pics, who is this Cam and why is he wearing bubble wrap? That's just so wrong.

- Chefwest

Laura said...

Ha's not Bubble wrap, it's a woman's tap dancing costume :o)

I had this great visual of the red bull guy moving at lightning speed while everyone else is in slow motion...heh heh

Anonymous said...

I wish my telemarketers were that creative. He sounds like he must really love his Globe and Mail- either that or he is super hopped up on Red Bull. I'm a National Post girl myself...

- Jenn

Anonymous said...

I wonder if he was a returned missionary. Man those were great sales skills. I wish I had skills like that.

- Nathan Smigel

Anonymous said...

That's awesome! If only everyone talked like that on a regular basis. On second thought, I guess that wouldn't be a good thing...we'd all go crazy!

- Jane